The Ultimate Primal Eating Guide

by Oct 31, 20192 comments

The Primal way of eating has gained a lot of traction over the past several years, with various iterations and spinoffs, most based on lowering carb consumption, eliminating grains and processed foods from your diet, eating primarily whole foods, and getting plenty of sunshine and exercise.

I think it’s safe to say that these are ideas that anyone concerned about their health can support. As with most movements however, as time has passed, different camps have established themselves and laid claim to being the one true source for optimal Primal living. Oftentimes, these tribes clash with each other, abandoning logic and reason for ad hominem and disingenuous arguments (sounds a lot like modern politics to be honest).

While I follow quite a few Primal/Paleo and Keto advocates, I’m here to tell you that there is a fundamental problem with the diets they espouse, no matter what aisles at the grocery store they avoid like the plague. In fact, that’s the very problem with all these so-called “Paleo gurus” infesting the internet and social media sites…

They’re buying a bunch of out of season produce being shipped into the country and little plastic-wrapped packages of meat and claiming they’re “eating like our ancestors did.”

Well I’m here today to tell you all that those guys and gals are selling you grass-fed lies! None of these people are living even remotely close to how our ancient ancestors did and I’m here to set the record straight. What’s so great about my method is you’ll save a ton of money on food, get plenty of exercise without needing to ever hit a gym, always be consuming in-season foods, and there’s nearly zero costs to begin. Throw out the fancy blenders and other cooking apparatus, because you won’t be needing them!

Getting Started

It doesn’t take much to get started on your new and improved Primal/Paleo path. First thing you will need to do is go outside and find you a long, sturdy stick that you can comfortably hold in your hands. Once you have that, you will need to then find a rough surface and grind one end down until you have a sharp point. Congratulations! You just made a spear.

Now the next step is going to be dependent on where you live. For the purposes of this article, I’m going to assume most readers live in the suburbs, though this can easily be adapted to urban and rural areas as well.

Take your spear outside and begin walking around the neighborhood until you find some sort of wildlife. Once located, it is your job to take it down with your homemade spear. But what if it runs off? you might be asking. Good! That means you will be getting plenty of Paleo-friendly exercise as you procure your meal.

Some people see Mr. Whiskers, the neighborhood cat, but I see a low carb, high protein, gluten-free meal.

Are you beginning to see how easy and integrated this system is? You will get plenty of walking done as you traverse your neighborhood, searching for prey as well as intermittent sprint sessions when the neighborhood cats or squirrels wise up to what you’re doing.

A common question I receive whenever I explain my system to others is what should they do if they can’t catch something to eat. I love receiving this question as the answer illustrates why my system is lightyears beyond the faux paleo groups out there.

If you don’t catch anything, you don’t eat. It’s that simple. Some people in recent years have labeled this process as “intermittent fasting” in an attempt to make it sound fancier so they can sell their books. Don’t believe the snake oil selling charlatans. This is the true Primal lifestyle.

Now some of you are probably wondering about your vegetable and fruit consumption. This is a bit harder of an area to master and will take some studying on your part as you will need to know what plant life is edible in your region. When in doubt, Google it.

Some easy to identify and proliferate edible “weeds” in many areas include dandelions, clover, wood sorrel, and purple deadnettle. As you’re prowling around your local dog park for dinner, be sure to grab handfuls of these weeds for a nutritious, organic, and in-season salad! Your stomach (and taste buds) will thank you.

Conclusion

As you can plainly see, my methods for optimal health and a true paleo experience is way beyond what the fakers are trying to sell you. You can also be assured my message is 100% genuine because A) I’m giving away this information for free and B) you’ve read it on the internet and as we all know, you can’t post something on the internet if it isn’t true… well, except for those other so-called Primal/Paleo gurus. I’m not quite sure how they snuck through.

True to nature diet? Check.
Natural and convenient exercise routine? Check.
Opportunities to employ intermittent fasting? Check.
Learn new skillsets such as stalking prey and learning to make fire with sticks? Check.
Can be done anywhere? Check.

I dare anyone to create a better Primal/Paleo regimen than this. It won’t happen.

Jacob
Twitter